Churck Norris facts.
Offline Ok everyone, this is the thread where you post your favorite Chuck Norris fact. You can even post your favorite Anti-Chuck Norris fact.
I'll start with a few.
1.) Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
2.) The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
3.) Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING
[b]Here are some Anti-Chuck Norris facts...[/b]
1.) Chuck Norris' beard is actually a merkin. He can't function without a man's pubes on his face.
2.) If you bother Chuck Norris during [i]Grey's Anatomy[/i] he'll, like, totally be pissed at you for weeks.
3.) Chuck Norris was once struck by a van, and miraculously revived at the hospital. His family sued the hospital.
Sorry people, I was bored.
But this thread should be fun. ;)
Most people know this, but if you can see chuck, he can see you. If you cannot see Chuck, you could be only moments from death
Also, chuck norris' tears cure cancer, too bad he never cries
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
haha.
God wanted to make the earth in 10 days, chuck gave him 6
chuck was typing an email, when he realized it would be faster to run
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
chuck has a nightlight, not because he is scared of the dark, but because the dark is scared of him
When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.
haha I hadent herd that last one
[b]Anti-Chuck Norris fact.[/b]
Chuck Norris sucks dick for cab fare and then walks home.
Haha, He must have a big piggy bank to put that money in when he gets home...
[b]More anti-Chuck Norris jokes.[/b]
Chuck Norris loves to strike up meaningless conversations with single mothers long enough to finish his Virginia Slim cigarette, put it out in the child's eye, and run away.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa her smile. It happened when she saw Chuck naked.
Chuck Norris' semen cures cancer. Too bad he has AIDS.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He lies awake in regret.
Chuck Norris is currently suing ABC, claiming Hope & Faith are trademarked names for his left and right breasts.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Grand Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man drives a fucking Jeep.
There is a double chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. No wonder he doesn't shave.
Chuck Norris clutches the hell out of his Coach bag.
1. Before Chuck Norris visited them, they were called "The Virgin Islands" Now, they're just "The Islands"
2. Chuck Norris does not "teabag" the ladies. He "Potato-Sacks" them.
3. Most people fear the Reaper. The reaper fears Chuck Norris.
4. Most Anti-Bacterials claim to kill 99.9% of all germs. Chuck Norris kills 110% of whatever the heck he wants.
5. Chuck Norris doesn't read playboy.
6. Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell, "What the fuck was that!?"
7. When Chuck Norris was a teen, he had sex with every nun in a small convent in Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated champions in NFL history.
8. Chuck Norris is 9/8 Cherokee, not by ancestry, but because he once ate a Native American.
9. Chuck Norris has the kidney of a moose. He keeps it in a large fridge.
10. Chuck Norris isn't hung like a Horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
* The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?" was finally solved when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked himself in the face. That was the first time he was ever seen without his beard.
Aliens do exist, but the reason they never show their faces is because they are way too scared to come fuck with a planet owned by Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris kicks you in the face, his foot is moving faster than the speed of light; this means that while it may appear that he has taken .01 seconds to kick you to the outside observer, you were already dead at -3 seconds.
Chuck Norris's wristwatch does not have numbers on it, it just says, "Time to kick ass".
Chuck Norris knows the square root of -1
The square root of -1 is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
God invented the Laws of Physics to prevent Chuck Norris from conquering the other planets. He failed.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
* May God have mercy on your soul, for Chuck Norris surely won't.
* On the eighth day, God said, "Let there never be Chuck Norris." Later that day, God was admitted to the hospital.
* Chuck Norris parted the Red Sea and let Moses take the credit. What a guy.
* It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.
* Jesus walks on water. Chuck Norris walks on Jesus.
* When Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Vin Diesel went to Heaven, all the angels wondered where they would sit. Mr. T took his position at the right hand of God and Vin at the left. Chuck Norris looked at God and said, "You're in my seat."
These should seriously be called Fedor Emelianenko facts instead of Chuck Norris who does martial arts that don't work.
That's why it's fun to pick on Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
FACT: on a video game, the only thing more powerful than god mode would be Chuck mode...but no platform yet has the processing capability to have a Chuck mode.
FACT: Chuck Norris once went to the virgin islands...now thier just "the islands"
FACT: Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
FACT: Chuck Norris has beaten Pac-man, Asteroids, and pong. he says the endings are wonderful.