Sorry, we're not home right now.
Jehovah witnesses.
Oh, where do I begin?
Pamphlet after pamphlet on how I'm wrong, they're right, and I should go to their church and give them money.
Knocking on my door at un-holy hours (haha :P) of the morning, waking me up from the only sleep I get all week, to give me booklets, pamphlets, blahblahblah. Usually I'm at a loss for words since the whole process goes so quickly and I'm left with a blank look on my face at 9 am Saturday morning with papers in my hand. Every week I promise to "get them" next time. Oh, I will eventually. I'll stay up all night long if I have to. Then I'll be the one to attack them with pamphlets and booklets and ask [i]them[/i] for money. Give 'em a taste of their own medicine.
Who reads their pamphlets anyway? Even christians who aren't Jehovah Witnesses don't bother reading their nonsense. So if they don't wanna hear it, then does that make it even more nonsensical? Anyway, I happened to glance through a few pamphlets. HA. HA. HA. Oh, if you're ever feeling down and want a good laugh or three, read Jehovah Witness propaganda. Its hilarious, I promise. "Do you know someone who practices immoral sex?? E.I. someone who has sex for reasons other than to have a child." Only everyone I know.
Insanely hilarious and a definite good read.
Or you can just raise
Or you can just raise yourself an attack dog. Those work too.
see below
...
how to screw with a JW
Dig this fun fact! JW's are not allowed to accept anything from you. Nada. It's one of there ways, you see.
Offer the skunk a coffee and they'll always turn you down. Even if it's forty below on Christmas morning. But how can one not go further with this?
Hey care for a cigarette? How about some pumpkin pie? Eventually offer things that aren't even in the house. Duckling Ala 'range. A refreshing cosmo maybe? They wont take anything. They can't. Since they can't accept any of your outrageously generous offers you can play offended. "Don't you trust me? Is there something WRONG with my duckling?" You can make them so uncomfortable it's like you offered them free condoms. Great way to start the weekend.
..
..
how to screw with a JW
excuse the weirdness here with the '...' comments. Goddamn skippy computer and an impatient user and i don't think know how to delete them '...'
or you could try saying "get
or you could try saying "get the fuck of my land you microwave hating, sex hating, fun hating bastards!"
Yes, it is true they hate microwaves and they are evil!
Try this
The one time they came to my door, I pretended to listen intently and then bursted out in spontaneous laughter, spit on the ground, and slammed the door in their faces.